Hard to Believe

It's hard to believe that my son has passed the one year mark. Sometimes it seems like we brought him home only a few weeks ago, and sometimes it feels like he's been part of our family forever. But the Earth has gone around the Sun roughly once since he's been with us, and it's as good a reason as any to step back and take stock of the wonderful things he's brought to our lives already, and to celebrate the great little guy we're watching him become.

We had a birthday party for him the other day, and lots of people showed up. People had a lot of fun, eating cake, talking, and playing games. Everyone was happy to come help us celebrate.

Privately, I was celebrating something else - his escape from the shadow of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome). Like most apprehensive first-time would-be parents, we attended birthing and parenting classes to prepare for the arrival of our baby. Of course, there was the cautionary stuff about not letting the baby sleep on his front, because this drastically increases the risk that the child will die suddenly of SIDS. But the thing that has really stuck in my mind was the fact that SIDS can strike a child anytime up to a year.

My son has been partial to sleeping on his front for the last several months, which has filled that what if part of my brain with a flicker of terror every time I'd go in and find that he'd flopped over onto his front. He was actually very cute in that pose - him lying there, head looking sideways, arms back, and his knees curled under him, making his butt stick up in the air. How he slept like that, I'll never know. But any enjoyment at seeing him like that would flutter away when I remembered the danger that the pose held. I'd dutifully go in, and turn him back over onto his side, and maybe risk waking him up with a kiss on the head. But I'd be back in there soon to make sure he hadn't switched back to face-down.

Kids his age face dangers every day. He likes to try to pitch out of my arms regularly, and quite often tries to shove too much food into his mouth. But we understand those threats. We don't understand SIDS. All we know is that there's this death trigger that trips arbitrarily and for no known reason. It seems to be correlated with sleeping face down, but it's still a mystery. You worry more about unknown fears than known fears.

Sure, there are a thousand more worries lurking in the wings, and they'll only accrue as he gets older. But as I smiled, watching that little boy smearing frosting on his face at his one year birthday party, I just took a moment to mentally cross SIDS off the list of hovering specters threatening my son. That alone was cause enough for celebration for me.

And now, when I go in and see him sleeping with his butt in the air, well, I can take the time to smile at it. It really is pretty funny.